INFORMATION

ON 6th January 2017

IT WILL BE JUST 25 YEARS SINCE MY BROTHER

ARTHUR DUDLEY CRAVEN COMMITTED SUICIDE

HE WAS VERY WELL TO DO

IN A PARTICULARLY UNPLEASANT WAY

ON TWELFTH NIGHT IT IS THE TIME TO TAKE DOWN CHRISTMAS TREES

DUTIFULLY ARTHUR TOOK DOWN THE TREE AND TOOK IT TO THE
ILKLEY RECYCLING CENTRE

HE THEN TOOK HIS MOTOR CAR  & DROVE TO THRUSCROSS RESERVOIR

HE FILLED THE POCKETS OF HIS EXPENSIVE SHEEP SKIN COAT

WITH VERY HEAVY STONES

WALKED OUT INTO THE ICY WATER

HIS BODY COULD NOT BE RECOVERED

UNTIL THE RESERVOIR WAS DRAINED

WHICH WAS THE FOLLOWING APRIL

TO-DAY

To-day

To-day 30th December 2016

THE REMAINS OF MY LATE EX-WIFE

& MOTHER OF MY SON ANDY

PAMELA ANN CRAVEN

WERE FINALLY CREMATED

AT 11.OOam

R I P

Update

My father used to say that surnames which are colours such as Brown, Green, Black,Grey,or White are usually of Scottish origin

I have only once heard the surname"Blue"

Lionel Blue, was of Jewish origin , he used to be interviewed on morning radio . He was interesting and quite happy to admit that he was gay. 

Stuart Leslie Filby was 53 years old yesterday.

Yesterday was also the Birthday of my Next-door Neighbour

Pamela Fellows. Pamela's latest achievement is to have 

lost quite a lot of weight.

Pamela is a hard worker for the Labour Party. 

My favourite Christmas song, goes something like this

Hark the herald angels sing

Beechams pills are just the thing

Gently moving meek & mild

Two for adults & one for a child

If you want to go to heaven,

Then you just take six or seven

If you want to go to hell

Then you take the box as well

Hark the herald Angels sing

Beechams pills are just the thing

GOOD NEWS

To-day I have been for my Quarterly Diabetic Review

with nurse Joanne McGee

Since the last review I have lost four pounds in weight

My blood pressure is the lowest on my records

In short, as Emily Bishop would say 

"Everything is  Tickety Boo" 

YESTERDAY- AND TO-DAY

 YESTERDAY MY EX-WIFE

PAMELA ANN CRAVEN

BORN 2/2/1945

SADLY DIED AFTER 26249 DAYS ON THIS EARTH

TO-DAY I HAVE BEEN TO SEE MY 

PSYCHIATRIST DR CHIAURANDERAI

AND ACCORDING TO MY STATISTICS

FROM AN INTERNET PROGRAMME

"TRUE COLOURS"

FROM AN ENGLISH UNIVERSITY

MY BIPOLAR DISORDER IS NOW

NON-EXISTENT

TWO LOTS OF BAD NEWS IN ONE DAY

WE HAVE HAD TWO LOTS OF BAD NEWS

TO-DAY

FIRST & WORST FROM MY COUSIN CHRISTOPHER LAWRENCE CRAVEN

THAT HIS MOTHER MY AUNTIE
RAFFAELLA KITCHEN
HAS LOST HER HUSBAND

CAPTAIN ROBERT BARRY KITCHEN
WHO HAS PASSED AWAY AFTER A LONG BATTLE WITH A CRUEL ILLNESS
DEMENTIA

WE HAVE ALSO HEARD FROM WHITEGATES OF KEIGHLEY

THAT THE SALE OF THE HOMEOF MY LATE NIECE
JANE SINGH DULAY

HAS UNFORTUNATELY
FALLEN THROUGH

TO-MORROW

To-morrow I am going into the Huddersfield Nuffield Hospital for the to sort out the problems which I have been having with my Haemorrhoids

Our Eldest Grandson's wife  Gemma  likes the story that 

What do you get when you mix up your toothpaste

with your Piles ointment,

"Shrunken Gums & a Ring of Confidence "

MIDNIGHT-TONIGHT

AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT ONE YEAR AGO

MY NIECE JANE SINGH DULAY SADLY DIED 

HIP HIP HIP

MY WIFE IS GOING FOR A 

HIP REPLACEMENT

NEXT Monday

TO-DAY

NORMALY I DO NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT

THE NATIONAL HEALTH SERVICE

BUT TO-DAY WHILST I WAS

@ CENTRAL METHODIST CHURCH

I MET AN OLD FRIEND WHO TOLD ME

THAT HE HAD BEEN ADMITTED

TO CALDERDALE ROYAL HOSPITAL

HAVING SUFFERED A STROKE

WHILST HE WAS RECOVERING

HE GOT PNEUMONIA

TO-DAY

TO-DAY I HAVE BEEN TO SEE PRACTICE NURSE JANINE SUMNER WHO TELLS ME THAT MY DIABETIC & GENERAL HEALTH

HAVE NEVER BEEN BETTER

I DONT HAVE TO GO AGAIN UNTIL CHRISTMAS

POULTRY TALK

WHAT DO THE NORMAL CHICKENS SAY
                                      COCK A DOODLE DOO
WHAT DO THE DYSLEXIC CHICKENS SAY
                                             DOODLE DOODLE COCK
WHAT DO THE NYMPHOMANIAC CHICKENS SAY
                                                      ANY COCK 'LL  DO   !

SAD NEWS

I Have just heard of the sad death of one of my ex- work colleagues

His name was Joe Fairbrother, who worked in the general office of Hoechst UK when we were at Holywell Brook. He was one of the few people who used to call me "Dave" His immediate boss was a man called Richard who insisted on being called Dick

This gave rise to a great deal of Fun. When wanting to borrow an eraser they would say "Have you got a rubber on your dick",

If requiring a few seconds of his time, they would say "Have you got a  second dick.

The funiest thing of all was when the General Manager wanted to contact him, said to his secretary "Can you raise  Dick for me"

IN MY OPINION

IN MY HUMBLE OPINION,
                     IT IS ONLY THE MOST INTELEGENT  PEOPLE
                   WHO EVENTUALLY GET
                         ALZHEIMER'S CONDITION

THE FIRST OF SEPTEMBER 1930

My late brother Arthur Dudley Craven was born on this day in the year 1930 Which makes to-day his 86th Birthday 

To-day

TO-day we have been up to Pepper Hill Unitarian Chapel, Leading our worship was Rev. Brian Packer and a superb service it was Living as he does in Clayton it didn't take him long to get there Regarding Clayton a suburb of Bradford reminded me of two things. Firstly a good friend of mine from my collage  days, and an indian chap called Kuldip Raj. When his money from home ran out, he took a job with Bradford Transport driving Trolley Busses . He tried to take a Pasture Lane trolley bus to Clayton, sadly there was a low bridge on the clyton line and he took the top clean off the trolley bus. The other things I know about Clayton is firstly that My father was born in Clayton in Wensley Bank West in 1904.
One the day that the Co-op payed out the dividend it was always referred to as Clayton Races. To round off our day when we got home, Gemma & Mark arrived with our greatgrandson Tommy Filby

SEEN IN A NEIGHBOURS HOME

A MEAL WITHOUT WINE
                                IS CALLED BREAKFAST

THOSE

AS IT SAYS IN THE BIBLE THOSE THAT WERE LOST ARE NOW FOUND

THE GOOD NEWS

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT IT IS NOW SIXTEEN DAYS SINCE I DRANK ANYTHING WITH ALCOHOL IN IT  THE BAD NEWS IS THAT TO_DAY I LOST MY BUNCH OF KEYS

UNBELIEVABLE

UNBELIEVABLY IT IS NOW 12 DAYS SINCE I HAD ANYTHING CONTANING ALCOHOL

VARIOUS

A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO AUNTIE PAULINE'S GRANDAUGHTER LAURA & HER HUSBAND CHUBBIE HAVE HAD A BABY BOY,   TODAY I HAVE POSTED THE INSURANCE DOCUMENTS FOR MY PAVEMENT SCOOTER IT IS NOW 9 DAYS SINCE I HAVE ANYTHING CONTAINING ALCOHOL

ALCOHOL

I HAVE NOT HAD ANY ALCOHOL SINCE LAST SUNDAY< IT IS MY INTENTION TO GO FOR ONE MONTH WITHOUT ANY AND AFTER ONE MONTH TAKE THE RECOMENDED AMOUNT PRESCRIBED BY DOCTORS

FIRST TRIP OUT ON NEW PAVEMENT SCOOTER

COINCIDENSES

To-day I have been to the Funeral of Elaine Bentley She used to be called Elaine Binns.
Elaine was the May Queen at Marshfield School
Talking of Bentleys & Binses, Janet Bentley was also the May Queen at Marshfield School, as was Marylyn Binns. Today is 28th July which is Saint Swithens day. My mother & Father were married on St Swithens day many year ago, Gillian Stanbury was married on St. Swithens day when she was 21years of age. To Trevor Gambol They do say that what ever happens on St. Swithens day will happen for 40 Days & forty Nights. 

ODD FRIENDS

A FRIEND OF MINE GOT HIS TOOTHPASTE MIXED UP WITH HIS PILES OINTMENT
HE FINISHED UP, WITH SHRUNKEN GUMS 

AND A RING OF CONFIDENCE

TO-DAY

TO-DAY WE HAVE BEEN TO BATLEY AND BOUGHT A PAVEMENT SCOOTER

INTERESTING

I KNEW A MAN WHO APPLIED FOR A JOB AS A WRINGER-OUT FOR A ONE ARMED WINDOW CLEANER

TO_DAY

TO-DAY I HAVE BEEN FOR MY QUARTERLY HEALTH CHECK TO THE NURSE AT CHURCH LANE SURGERY>
Cholesterol remains @ 3.2       Blood sugars hover round the 6.5 mark  which is the best they have been for quite some time, I weigh approximately 2 Kg less than I did at the last check . 
               ALL GOOD NEWS

ME AND MY DAD

THIS IS MY SON PROPERLY KNOWN AS MICHAEL ANDREW CRAVEN IT IS JUST 48 YEARS AGO TO-DAY SINCE HE WAS BORN 
HE PREFERS TO GO UNDER THE NAME OF JUST ANDY

REFERENDUM

Although I voted to leave the E.U. I was surprised that the Britex Group won the day. I am sorry that David Cameron has decided to resign. I would not like Boris Johnson to be the next Prime Minister 

TO-DAY

It is just six months this evening that sadly my nice, Jane singh Dulay passed away. Sheila & I have been over to Antie Jean Craven's home & we have left my late brother Arthur Dudley Cravens 
Gold Signet ring for Jean to hand over to my eldest Niece Diane Hudson, as well as many papers relating to Jane's qualifications. We also went to the Lord Rodey hotel in Keighley for lunch with Janes last partner Alan, Robert Askam
We then went to Whitegates who are selling the property for us and tidied up a few last detals. A visit to her home, in Riddlesden completed the Afternoon 

THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY

The day before yesterday was the copper or wool wedding aniversary of our grandson Mark Antony Filby & his wife Gemma, For those who dont know that is seven years. 

UNUSUAL TATTOO

Yesterday Sheila & I went to the EE phone shop in Halifax . The young man serving us had a most unusul tattoo on his foerarm I did not Understand it's meaning

SEEING IS DECEIVING
DREAMING IS RECEIVING 

YESTERDAY & today's GOOD NEWS

YESTERDAY & HAD A TELEPHONE CALL FROM JANES LAST PARTNER ALAN ROBERT ASKAM
THE GOOD NEWS THAT HE TOLD ME

IS THAT JANE'S NEIGHBOUR AT THE BOAT HOUSE 17 LEECH WAY RIDDLESDEN
KEIGHLEY.  BD20 5DB

A KINDLY MAN CALLED SIMON BINNS

WHO HAS BEEN LOOKING AFTER

JANES CAT CALLED Mr Darcey 

SINCE JANE PASSED AWAY LAST NOVEMBER THAT

Mr. DARCEY IS FIT AND WELL

TO'DAY IS SHEILAS SISTER'S

AUNTIE PAULINE

BIRTHDAY

I WILL NOT TELL YOU HOW OLD SHE IS

ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT

SHE IS JUST A LITTLE OLDER

THAN I AM

JANE SINGH DULAY

HAD NOT JANE SINGH DULAY A BEAUTIFUL< THANKFUL< GRACIOUS<
ATTENTIVE< GENEROUS< AND LOVELY YOUNG LADY NOT BEEN TAKEN FROM US ON THE NIGHT OF THE 25TH OF NOVEMBER LAST< SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN 53 YEARS OLD THIS VERY DAY

POIGNANT QUOTATION FROM KING LEAR

HOW SHARPER THAN A SERPANTS TOOTH THAN TO HAVE A THANKLESS CHILD

LIPRA LOOF

To-morrow is the first of April, better known as April Fools day 
My good friends Marion & Ernest Baker were married on this day since it was the first day of the incme tax year. It is also the birthday of our neighbour, Janet . When I was working we had a financial controller who shall be nameless, He was also born on the first of April. He never really mastered the computer and it is said that he used to put tippex on his screen

EASTER

It always strikes me as odd that Good friday is so called since it is the day that Jesus Died

YESTERDAY

Yesterday we had a house guest called BillyHatch He saidthat most of the New Zealand Lamb sold in this country had been slaugtered by the Hal Hal method. What a load of rubbish I thought. However on Checking, I found that it is true that over 70% of all  NewZealand lamb sold in this country is in fact slaugtered by Muslim

HOW TIME PASSES

THE LAST TIME I WROTE MY BLOG IT WAS THE FIRST OF MARCH & ST DAVID'S DAY, THE PATRON SAINT OF WALES
TO DAY IT IS THE 17TH OF MARCH & ST PATRICK'S DAY THE PATRON SAINT OF IRELAND
When I went out on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be.. When I got home on Monday night there was a horse where my old horse should be.  Many's the time Iv'e travelled a hundred mile or more . But this is the first time ever there was a horse where my old horse should be
An Irishman said to his friend, can you show me the way to jeopardy . Why asked his friend. According to the Irish Times this morning there are thousands of jobs in jeopardy 

SAINT DAVID'S DAY

To-day is St. Davids Day. It was the birthday of my late brother-in-law, Colin Ellis, St. David is the patron saint of Wales. The best story I know about Wales is :-  Two men were talking, John said to David  "I went to the Cinema yesterday."
What was the film ? Asked David,
Moby Dick replied John  "Don't like Sex films" said David . "Its not a sex film" replied John  
"Dont like Welshmen either barked David"

THIS WEEK WE HAD PANCAKKE TUESDAY

PANCAKE TUESDAYS A VERY HAPPY DAY< IF YOU DONT GIVE US HOLIDAY WELL ALL RUN AWAY

TO-DAY

TO-DAY WE HAVE BEEN TO THE FUNERAL OF NEXTDOOR NEIGHBOUR
A TRUE GENTLEMAN J. B.

ANDY

                                     NICE HAT DAY

                                                       HENRY BY TOBY

YESTERDAY

THERE WERE THREE BIRTHDAYS OF GOOD FRIENDS YESTERDAY . A delightful lady who lives in leeds and who shall be nameless but she is the person who looks at my blog most often. Secondly my next door neighbour who is far from well, and thirdly the mother of one of our best friends

POEM ORIGINALLY FROM SYLVIA

                       "Computer Swallowed Grandma"      Anon
                      The computer Swallowed Grandma.
                                 Yes, Honestly it's True.
                        She pressed "control" and "enter"
                            and disappeared from view.

                             It devoured her completely                               
                        The thought just made me squirm
                             She must have caught a virus
                                or been eaten by a worm

                        I've searched through the recycle bin
                                  and files of every kind:
                               I've even used the internet,
                                   but nothing did I find  
         
                               In desperation, I asked Jeves
                                      my searches to refine
                            The reply from him was negative
                               Not a thing was found "online"

                                  So, if inside your "Inbox"
                               My grandma you should see,
                       Please "Copy", "Scan", and "Paste" her 
                                   And send her back to me"                          

MY BROTHER ARTHUR DUDLEY CRAVEN

Wednesday 6th January 
TO-MORROW IT WILL BE JUST 24 YEARS SINCE MY BROTHER ARTHUR DULDLEY CRAVEN SADLY DIED @ THRUSCROSS RESERVOIR 

AUNTIE PAULINE

According to a programme called Natural Biorhythms    To-day Auntie pauline HAS LIVED FOR 28000 DAYS